dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
