I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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