Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
