My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
