i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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