Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
