Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
