Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize