i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
