would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
