Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
