Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
