biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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