omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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