I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
