if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
