I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize