I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
