I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
