College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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