i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
false alarm, still single
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
