I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
