I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
