I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
