okay pat passed out under dana's car
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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