Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
