I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
