i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
