apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
