Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize