I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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