after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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