BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
