I didn't shave. On purpose
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
