Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
