apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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