Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I could fuck to npr.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
