I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
