Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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