I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
