Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize