Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
