Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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