eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
