She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
