my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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