Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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