I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
