Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
