My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
