i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
