The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
