just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
as a side note pls kill me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
