dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
