Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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