guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
