Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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