Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
