On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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