You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
