I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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