Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
