The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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