Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
