just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I believe in your delicious
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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