im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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