I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
