I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
