new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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