i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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