my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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