so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
