i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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